Friday anecdotes

- Expensive! .
- Let's make role-playing.
- Come on. What would you like?.
- Okay, you - deaf and dumb whore.

Finding a grandson of a white powder, my grandmother decided that it was made ​​from flour and.
a pancake.
Carnival did not stop for three weeks.

wife:.
- Something in my left hand itches. This is probably the money.
My husband (not looking up from the newspaper):.
- Do not give!.

If you have not taught her parrot to shout the phrase: ' HELP! .
Turned me into a parrot! ', Then you are wasting your time!.

Note housewives. Electric light bulbs in the apartment of a small denomination, not only save energy but make a clean and comfortable apartment, a beautiful and elegant hostess.


Then a pop in the media said it is too open Wear provokes people.
to sin ( a - short). comment:.
- And let it be replaced by a golden cross on the plastic and does not provoke.
people to steal!.

There is a couple down the street, walk past a jewelry store.
F. Darling, do not you feel ashamed that I had earrings in one year go?.
M. Honey, show you my socks.

- Burn the witch!.
- But she's so beautiful.
- Good. but then burn!.


The Soviet period. Upon delivery of the next hruschovki found that in all rented forgot to arrange toilets. The confusion, all the panic, except for Izzy Rabinowitz. Izzy reflectively traverses the building and utters:.
- Taki on the first floor make the nursery, there is still all go to pot.
On the second floor to settle the students - they still have nothing to go.
On the third floor arrange junior specialists - they are all the same once.
The fourth minor officials - they are still each other's pockets shitting.
And let it be the fifth big bosses - they are still all on the heads of shit.

Even if at some point in a woman are satisfied, then very quickly.
comes a point when it starts to not hold the fact that it all.
satisfied with.

Doctor patient:.
- You can be absolutely assured. With your heart you prozhitete to seventy years.
- And me, and there are seventy.
- Well, you see!.

- But how?.
- it is dangerous.
- At what?.
- In many engineers min was.

I came home at 4 am. her husband opened the door, and immediately the question ' Che came?? .

- Mom, what is it?.
- Onion soup, son.
- You killed Cipollino?.
- No, dear, I bought him for dead.


In the resort: - Girl, and go swimming naked at night?.
- Oh, and I swim, it can not.
- And we will not!.

- For two years I lived with it, everything was fine. Then there were these vagaries, 'Well.
Tell me your name!. '.

They talk to the husband and wife:.
- Dear, you made ​​a Christmas tree?.
- Yes.
- Then go and put a new!.
- Why?.
- Because after 3 days New Year!.

- Where are you going this summer?.
- Yes, probably, in Siberia purse!.
- You that have nothing to do?.
- I, in principle, the same opinion, but the prosecutor insisted!.

A Lesson in School. Little Johnny asks the teacher a question. Teacher:.
- Little Johnny, before you ask a question, raise your hand up. blood.
prilet to the head, the brain will work better, then perhaps the question.
will disappear by itself.

American spy comes to Lubyanka:.
- I spy, I want to give up.
- Whose spy?.
- The American.
- Then in the fifth room.
Comes in the fifth room.
- Weapons have?.
- Yes.
- Then in the seventh.
- A means of communication?.
- There is a.
- Then in the 20.
- A job is?.
- There is a.
- Well, go and do not hinder people from working.

- Little Johnny, on you the silver spoon, stirring it in a cup and all the microbes will die!.
- Mom, are you like me to drink tea with dead microbes?.


- Oh! .
- This wallpaper such.
- What is it?.
- To the guests did not stay long.

There are two godfather:.
- Listen, mate, have you ever tried it three?.
- No.
- Do you want?.
- And how!.
- Well, then quickly run back home!.

We went three drug addict home by car. Arrived at the traffic light, and there: yellow, red, yellow, green, yellow, red. stood for half an hour. Those who ask what the back, which is behind the wheel:.
- Peter, we will go or not?.
Peter, frantically clutching the wheel:.
- Damn. I do not have time!.

For some people came to visit, sit in the kitchen.
The son of the owners did not want to eat porridge of oatmeal.
Father:.
- When in war, in one of the hot spots, I did not drink for three days, then find a puddle, I vyhlebal it with mud, and nothing tastes better not drink. When I returned from the war, where he spent three years with no women in the brothels, I asked the most beautiful girl. They gave me an old cripple, or proposed to wait an hour, when the freed girls better. I did not wait.
The wife of the father's:.
- Tell him all about how you mess up the lines and you parachute down to the 300- meter cliff in the skull.
- Why?.
- To the guests it was clear why you year-old child a garbage bear!.

Ad:.
Verne was found on a fee -case with one million dollars.
Has applied to have an inventory numbers of all denominations.

- That's you I can explain why you are a man, so rarely giving girls flowers?.
- Well, you do us a beer, do not give!.

At the opening of new mines in the tradition of first place threw the cat. She then got out and scrawled the first three tons of coal.

- Doctor, my husband is very ill. What should I do?.
- First of all it is necessary to diagnose. Undress and show where it hurts.

Most women love the ears. Many people love brings disappointment.
Therefore, a minority that loves the mouth, is seeking a lot of great success.

Georgian wedding. One man looks at his bride and said:.
- What a strange bride.
Another asked him:.
- What is it?.
- Yes, I do not understand: devochka it or malchig.
- Zarezhu Wah, this is my daughter!.
- Sorry. very nice nevesta. I did not know that you are to NTES.
- Wow,! . !.

- Honey, it's time to leave!.
- And what happened?.
- I have to go to work.

There is no more paradoxical phrase than ' I gave him my best years! '.
On the one hand, the woman complains about the years spent in marriage with ' this goat ', but on the other hand, it recognizes that these very years and were the best in her life.

Good day! . Our competition otutstvuet any doping control. Yes, athletes do not test for doping. just. so.
- At 27 meters jumped Finnish athlete. Very, very good result for a chess player.
- Thirteen were killed and sixty wounded. This is the result of an unsuccessful shot in curling.
- Just made ​​the jump from sixth Sergey Bubka. Spectators are looking forward to when he finally landed.
- Javelin thrower today especially pleased. The result - two downed Boeing. Sergei Bubka, and a.
- For the third hour of the Chinese gymnast rotates on a horizontal bar.
- The organizing committee has decided not to release the hammer throwers today, for security reasons.
- A marathon runner has traditionally wins in Kenya. He was the only one who ran to Kenya.
- Only that it became known that the entire committee had disappeared. And go to the site hammer throwers.
- Canadian cyclist bike forget in a hurry. but this does not prevent him from coming to the finish line first!.
- Meanwhile, the Chinese gymnast continues to spin on the bar.
- Hammer thrower makes a throw. and Chinese gymnast, it seems, screw the.
- And finally, our traditional sorokobore. Let's look at performance of Russian athletes. So he runs over a thousand meters.
Pole-vault. He took the bar. ran stometrovku. He put the bar. Washer, the washer! .

The husband tells his wife:.
- Honey, if you share with me the secret of this cake, I will make a revolution in the cement industry!.

Instruction in the technical support service:.
- And yet, girls! .

- Why did your son is growing so fast, pull his ears or something?.
- No, I just monitor every month at 5 inches lift!.

- Solved! . Everything else - the money and sex!.

A man is interviewed for the post of assistant deputy council.
The interviewer asked:.
- And here you have written in the questionnaire - physical flaws, which if not secret?.
- You know, I took off the eggs in the army.
- Well, it's not scary. You come to us as a whole, you are hired to work. The working day for us, as usual, from 8 to 5. You can start tomorrow, waiting for you at exactly 10:00.
- Sorry, did not understand. If the working day starts at 8:00, why should I come to 10.
- Well, dear, it's the State Duma. The first two hours no one works, stagger, you are just scratching the eggs have nothing to do.

Guessing on the ice:.
In the frosty night the girl, gathering speculate on the ice, to pour the water in front of their way to the gate and stand next to a bucket.
After waiting for a passerby, she learns a lot of interesting.

Having A Birthday videos, Mary thought it was - the best gift in the world.
However, after half an hour, she realized that the best gift - a new front teeth.

- You do what you do?.
- People take out.
- But are they?.
- They shout.
- A face has not beaten?.
- No, not yet. I am an obstetrician at the hospital.

Miracles of modern technology can produce cans for beer, which can lie in a landfill for thousands of years and the cars cost $ 15,000, which will rust in your garage for 5.


Conscript passes a medical examination. He said:.
- Undress and bend over!.
Suitable doctor pushes the buttocks and asks:.
- Do you smoke?.
- And that smell?.

There is a man in the desert, the heat can no longer terrible, and I want to say God is, and then the sky is falling shovel and a voice from the top of the dig, dig dug, and a man 's food, I ate my God, a voice from above bring back the shovel, goes on to God I want to drink . , Lord, I got drunk, his voice bring back the shovel goes on, oh I want a woman, a spade falls dig, dig, dig, day, two digs, the man said, Lord, I get in a jam, a voice from above SHOVEL RETURN. !!.

In the cockpit the pilot does not does not turn off the speakerphone, and said second pilot.
- Right now I drink coffee, go and fuck the stewardess.
Inside, all heard the stewardess, blushing drops the tray and ran toward the cockpit.
The voice of the old Jew behind.
- Dochka, do not rush, he also did not drink more coffee!.

English lord comes home. He opens the butler and says:.
- Well, old fogy, once roamed the thump and the girls?.
- No, John, went to buy a hearing aid.

Talk to ICQ:.
Shak3r: Vasya, listen to, well, I do everything, as you say. I certainly understand that she asks silly and generally scary scary, but after the fact and is calculated, which is why it is easy to give. And she - in any. Where did I go wrong?.
Svetik: Window. window was wrong, bitch.